Relationship Hot Picks


Can I Get You a Cup of Passion?

There are lots of sexual stimulation products on the market for both men and women, but there’s nothing quite like Magic Power Coffee. Where most non-pharmaceutical products are herbal mixtures that come in capsules (featuring yohimbe, catuaba, horny goat weed, and other herbs), Magic Power Coffee takes the power of stimulating herbs and mixes it with coffee. The result is a stimulating combination that touches both men and women on many levels, physically and psychologically. After all, there’s nothing like sharing a warm cup of coffee with your beloved for heightening romance. Now there’s no doubt about the romance!
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Verbal Valentines All Year Long, Two Posts on Abusive Relationships

by India Bonham

Verbal Valentines Any Time of the Year

The Hendricks duo, Gay and Katie, offer up their big tip to maintaining a great relationship using what they call, “Verbal Valentines.” This is a cute name for something you can every day without lifting a finger or completing a “honey-do.” All you do is think of something you value and appreciate about your loved one and then verbalize it to them when they are receptive (that is, not while they are in the middle of solving the world’s problems or paying the bills). The Hendricks claim their method has been key to their relationship going well and strong for 29 years and counting. They provide examples and elaborate on the instructions, so read all about the Hendricks’ Verbal Valentines technique at the Gaiam Stream of Consciousness blog.
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15 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Healthy, Dealing with Separation Anxiety, Relationship Quiz

by India Bonham

One Woman’s Proven Healthy Relationship How-To’s

Aimgrrrl of Seattle shared on her blog the 15 things she does with her spouse that keeps their relationship good and healthy despite being imperfect like the rest of us. From minding your “I love yous,” “thank yous” and apologies to respecting each other, and working as a team, Aimgrrrl has some nice tips. My favorites include “Choose your battles,” “Make time for one another,” and “Demonstrate your love in the little things.”
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The Ramayana Story, A Practical Guide to Breaking Up

by India Bonham

Technicolor Video Clip

In “You’ve never seen the Ramayana like this,” Susie Bright shares this excellent film excerpt, one of the absolute best previews for a film I have seen in a long while (full disclosure: I am partial to animation). Incidentally, long since Ms. Bright’s posting of this video short, the New York Times has recently posted two articles which let us know more about the film’s release! The film’s creator, Nina Paley, calls it “Sita Sings the Blues… The Greatest Break-up Story Ever Told.”
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Maintaining Love Over Time, Erogenous Zones at a Glance

by India Bonham
Found on Integral Options Café, John Welwood’s outstanding article, “Relationship as a Crucible” begins by admitting this universal truth: Everyone has a hard time with intimate relationships and most of us would like ours to be healthy and satisfying. Welwood says one of the hardest parts is maintaining love over time.

“…a loving connection provides a glimpse of fold that lies within…we continually corrupt it by turning it into a commodity, a magical charm to make us feel okay. All the delusions of romantic love follow from there.” Furthermore, Welwood says that using your relationship as an emotional or spiritual “fix” just destroys the potential of finding “deep joy, true ease, or honest connection with another.”
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Relationship and Career Balancing, What Sleeping Positions Mean, Sex Quiz

by India Bonham

Balance Between Your Relationship & Career

Blogger Dan Schawbel’s interview with author and relationship expert Brenda Della Casa has lots of good stuff in it on the topic of keeping a balance between your career goals and your love relationship. It’s a good read with a realistic and modern perspective. Check out this nugget which is the result of interviewing scads of individuals in, as well as out of, relationships: “I have found that the couples who have the most successful relationships are those who are able to communicate their needs to their partner while empathizing with them at the same time.” Empathize –- that’s a word that isn’t used enough these days, don’t you think? Brenda further adds that love relationships are much more than romance and date nights and are really more “about working together as a team to build a better life together and sacrificing for long-term goals while finding ways to celebrate the here and now.”
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What Stage is Your Relationship In, Relationship Wisdom from the Obamas, Sacred Relationship

by India Bonham

A Great Relationship Role Model is Right under all of Our Noses

Here’s a cool thing in the light of recent events, Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks’ article written about Michele and Barack Obama’s relationship and how it’s a hidden benefit for us all. See it all here on The Huffington Post.

The Hendricks’ have a running series called the Body Politic and share their observations from their ability to read body language.
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Emotionally Independent in Relationship, Soul Mating Blog, the Poetry of Relationship

by India Bonham

How and Where to Meet Nerdy, Smart and Artistic People

My latest favorite blog of the moment is Soul Mating where you’ll find a post that could prove to be useful if you are single but seeking a cosmic twin to be romantic with in the future. Called “100 Places to Meet Nerdy, Smart and Artistic People” it could be just the nudge you need to abandon those excuses like, “I can’t meet anyone!” In addition to places recommended that are on the physical realms, she includes a slew of interesting websites you can meet potentially fascinating people on. Not only does writer Christina Laun give us a nice brainstorming list to use as a jumping off point, but she also offers up helpful tips–you may recognize many of her suggestions, but we could all use some small friendly reminders! Within her list, Ms. Laun simplifies certain tasks allowing your own confidence to take over and be rid of those annoying negative voices in your head that can creep up and prevent the possibilities! Full list at 10bestfreedatingservices.com.
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The Difference Between Men and Women, Creating Good Will, Economical Weddings

by India Bonham

Are We More Alike than Different?

You and your partner, even if you are different genders, are more alike than different according to veteran couples therapist Mira Kirshenbaum in her blog, Healthy Relationships. She shares highlights of various recent studies on a range of topics showing that yes, we are more alike than different. Most notable are the emotional factors and the importance of relationships over all else which covers much the same feelings in men as in women. One quote of hers I liked was “… I know as a long-time couples therapist that this soulmates-under-the-skin kind of thing helps keep marriages alive and healthy. When a couple starts to make a big deal about how different they are from one another, especially when they make a big deal about how it is based on seemingly immutable male/female differences, that couple is in trouble.”
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Aphrodisiacs, Things to Remember for Love, Gene 334: The Love Gene

The Bonding Gene

Hey, this is interesting–researchers in Sweden claim to have found a link to certain genes in men in regards to them bonding well or not so well with their partners. They found that men carrying the gene that they believe results in less successful relationships were generally rated to have less satisfying relationships by women in unions with them than women married to men without the gene (the gene is called 334). Not so fast! Before you go making assumptions about men you know that you have pegged to possibly have this gene, the researchers come clean and admit there are multiple factors which can lead to relationships to not go so well. This is only the beginning by way of research into this gene. For the complete lowdown, check it out in world news at news.sbs.com.
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Four Steps to Getting What You Want, Relationship Maintenance Tips, Toxic In-Laws

Is Something Holding You Back? Four Steps to Overcome It

In “What’s Holding You Back from Love, Passion and Connection?” Susie and Otto Collins, married relationship coaches, share their discovery of “the theory of constraints” which they found out about from — of all places — a business conference. They said that when you can’t get what you want out of your relationship, something is holding you back that needs to be discovered and eliminated. This, in turn, brings you closer to what you want! Sounds great! Their four steps include:

  1. identify what you want (from your relationship, or what kind of relationship you want if you aren’t in one)
  2. figure out deep down what it is that is holding you back from it
  3. don’t judge it or yourself
  4. just listen

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Personal Finance Blogs & Couples Blending Finances Together

Blogs on Personal Finance

I find financially focused blogs helpful, as they are often peppered with tips on future planning (saving for vacations, Xmas, retirement, etc.), reviews on books and software, and general frugality advice we can all use (especially these days). Personal Finance Blogs, or PFB’s, have been around for a while but have multiplied recently.

Typically, bloggers will begin their PFB for personal reasons, such as to keep themselves more focused on improving their finances and creating and reaching financial goals. Many say resoundingly that this works since it keeps them culpable, even if it’s to strangers via blog posts! When checking out the blogs, don’t neglect the comments sections underneath any posts you like; believe it or not, some valuable info can appear in those sections!
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Toxic Relationships, Give and Take in Relationship, Relationship Quizzes

Is your Relationship Healthy or Toxic? Take the Quiz

The blog Life Optimizer has a great article about how seemingly one-dimensional self-improvements can often go much deeper than initially intended. JoLynn Braley explains in “How Personal Growth Can Uncover a Toxic Relationship” that when you consciously choose to work on self improvement, you will not just improve your own life but you will also benefit the whole world. “Every bit you do to raise your own consciousness contributes to the level of global consciousness.”
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Avoiding Affairs, Open Relationships, Relationship Book List

Affair-Proofing Your Relationship

In “8 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage,” author Therese J. Borchard gives us advice on preventing what happens to many married monogamous couples which usually winds up fatally jeopardizing their relationship’s future. As common sense as it may seem, actively avoiding situations that could lead to temptations is a good prevention of regrettable events! Ms. Borchard gives us specific tips she has personally gathered on how to make her and our marriages absolutely affair-proof. Nurturing safe friendships makes the list and Ms. Borchard counts this as the most important affair-prevention exercise in her life. Your partner will have interests that you will not enjoy nearly as much as they do, and vice versa. Having buddies to enjoy these activities with takes the pressure off the relationship for things it can’t necessarily easily feed. (more…)


A More Mature Definition of Love, How to Keep Fighting from Getting Out of Hand

What is Love to You?

In “Married Life of a Rebel Life,” a section of the blog Oliva’s Beauty and Madness, Olivia reveals that she once thought she didn’t believe in love but has come to realize that her definition of it simply differed from what she had been fed about from outside sources. Instead of associating love with infatuation, giddiness and chills, Olivia believes it to be more like conscientiousness in action when dealing with your partner and that it can also be those certain compromises in life. Here’s one of the examples from her list of observations on true love in action: “…It’s when a person who’s used to having things done her way suddenly pauses to think about what the other person might think….” For Olivia’s complete list, go to her blog at Olivia’s Beauty and Madness.
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Bizarre Wedding Rituals, Sacrificing for the Relationship, Falling Out of Love

Those Bizarre Wedding Rituals Explained

Unless you are an anthropologist or an historian, you may not be aware of all the strange origins of many wedding rituals we commonly take part in today. In Bizarre Origins of Wedding Traditions found on CNN.com, Jenn Thompson takes a look at some of these traditions. Love it or hate it, the garter toss and grab seems to be done at nearly every wedding. If you find it to be at least just a little bit creepy, the origins of this tradition may strike you as even creepier. For higher echelons of society (royalty for example) the marriage ceremony would be immediately followed with the consummation that used to require witnesses (to secure lineages). Often before the act, guests would grab at the bride’s garments for pieces as souvenirs (and perhaps to speed things along). The best part is that you are free to keep, delete or add rituals to your own ceremony should you desire. Keep any traditions that have meaning for you and don’t feel an ounce of guilt for letting others fall by the wayside. Realize you also have the power and freedom to create new ones if you wish! To read the original story, go to www.cnn.com.
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Relationship Web Highlights: Leaving the Relationship, Remaining You in Relationship, Eco-Friendly Outdoor Fun for Two

Is the Pain You’re Feeling Really Love?

Robert Denton is an experienced therapist who specializes in coaching people for stress and burnout and shares an interesting story on his blog — a story he feels is a recurring one that can cause much suffering and affect both personal and professional lives. When stress of any sort mounts to enormous levels, it can can definitely lead to burnout. Among your treatment choices is to take action and change your environment. But Many equate leaving the relationship with running away from the situation.
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Relationship Web Highlights: Nurture Your Relationship, Forgiveness, Making a Love List

Thrive, Don’t Just Survive

Many people allow the two most important areas of their lives to drift to the very bottom of one’s “life list,” as life coach Nicola Ries Taggart puts it. These two essentials are: the time to nurture one’s self, and the time to nurture one’s love relationship. Have you been neglecting either or both of these? One easy way to tell is if you feel a lack of connection where it was once strong between the two of you, or if you are feeling oppressively distant from the one you are closest to.
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Relationship Web Highlights: Cure for Jealousy, Standing Up for Yourself in Relationship

Overcoming Jealousy & its Roots

Susie and Otto Collins, who are a couple and are both relationship coaches, answer a reader’s question about jealousy and address the subject. They explain that jealousy is most often acted out due to holding on to things that have happened to you in the past while in other relationships. This holding-on can be very unconscious and repetitive: those of us doing this are expecting the same things to happen in our present love relationship as did in past ones. One of the best ways to combat this is to consciously separate your past experiences from your present ones. This can take a little reminding, but it will really help if you question your thoughts about the past when they come up from now on.
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Relationship Web Highlights: Avoiding Pitfalls, Same-Sex Marriage, Police the Pronouns

Avoiding Unconscious Loving Pitfalls

This article held my attention; it has really intense and interesting anecdotes to illustrate the points made. Avoid the Traps of Unconscious Loving suggests that if your relationship is going poorly, it would be a good idea to think about the legacy-based reasons that may lie at the heart of what’s going wrong. The stories drawn on by Gay and Katie Hendricks to illustrate how co-dependencies can begin and then continue to manifest throughout one’s life unconsciously, affecting relationships sometimes for the worst, are vivid and can serve as inspiration and hope for getting to the roots of our own patterns. Although a caveat might be that if you are not ready to handle such discoveries with mature and constructive actions, it may in fact just lead to more places to spread blame, which will NOT solve anything and only exacerbate problems. Owning up to your own issues is essential to improving your relationship. See the article at www.life.giam.com.
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Relationship Web Highlights: Growing From Divorce, Rate Your Marriage With 1930s Standards

The Bright Side of Going through a Divorce

Unfortunately, sometimes relationships evolve into a split up. As I’m sure you know, anyone who is going through a major split up may not have the most positive outlook on the situation. In this interview, writer Debbie Ford explores the positive side of the death of a relationship. She begins with the aptly named Spiritual Divorce, which refers to using this time as an opportunity to grow and learn, including learing to view it as a gain instead of as a loss.

Any major shake-ups in our lives are often great wake-up calls and can alter our life course for the better -– they are opportunities to improve ourselves. Ford stresses the importance of surrender, since change cannot pay off if we remain stubborn and stuck instead of accepting the unknown paths that lay before you. Personally, I’ll never forget what Mary Embry (a sage of a psychotherapist from Berkeley) said to me years ago: She said that when your marriage ends, you actually take on the good traits of your ex-partner to add to the traits you already possess. This, of course, can lead to becoming an better individual who has grown by leaps and bounds. See the article at www.gaiam.com.
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Relationship Web Highlights: Lighting the Most Important Room of the House (Product Spotlight)

Ever give much thought to lighting when it comes to the bedroom atmosphere? It’s a quick and effective way to control the ambiance in your lair, especially if you aren’t up for changing all the other things in the room (like the walls, the furniture, etc.). As you might have guessed, there are plenty of great creative lighting ideas on the Web and I’d like to share a few with you.
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Relationship Web Highlights: The Seven Deadly Sins of Relationship, Self Awareness in Relationship

Thou Shalt Not Resent Your Lover…

Leo at ZenHabits shares that his second marriage is benefiting from lessons learned from mistakes made during his first marriage. Gleaning from that he has put together a thoughtful list entitled, The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship. After pointing out what he feels should be done in order to feed a happy relationship, he goes into the Deadly Sins that should be avoided, beginning with Resentment. Leo says since it is a poison which can grow to mythic proportions, you absolutely need to sever it early on. His solutions include, breathing and let it go while accepting your loved one, imperfections and all. If you really can’t let it go, communicate with your loved one -– preferably in a gentle, non-confrontational manner and negotiate a solution with them that works for, not just one, but for both of you. Have the courage to talk with your loved one about problems before allowing them to blow up into much bigger ones. All the things on Leo’s list have the potential to bust up your relationship, so communication is definitely key. His complete list of do’s and don’ts can be found at www.zenhabits.net.

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Relationship Web Highlights: Bedroom Enhancements (Product Spotlight)

In a previous post, Upgrading your Sheets, I offered up some makeover ideas for your bed. I’d like to continue with that theme here in this bedroom product spotlight…

Eco Friendly Sheets are Body Friendly Too

Consider Bamboo…sustainable, eco-friendly, silky and breathable…a great idea for outfitting your place of pleasure and rest. Here are 50/50 blend bamboo and organic cotton sheets from www.gaiam.com They possess a nice tone-on-tone floral jacquard pattern in a natural shade. But if you swear by cotton, consider organic cotton knit sheets –- these feel just like (or better than) your favorite t-shirt! Low eco-impact dyes lend a pleasing array of color tones: mauve, green tea, bark or natural, make these a good choice for the conscious consumer. These chemical free organic cotton jersey sheet sets are also reasonably priced. Again at www.giam.com.
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Relationship Web Highlights: The Postnuptial Agreement, The Metaphysical Side of Miscarriages, Being Happy in Your Relationship

It’s Never Too Late to Put it in Writing

Here’s a concept that might not have crossed your mind: Couple gets postnup which saves their marriage. This couple had been married for thirty years and still deeply loved each other, but had issues. Issues that threatened to ultimately break them apart from one another. But fortunately, they got creative and formed a postnuptial -– which is similar to the prenuptial you may have heard about, sometimes with some stigma attached (deserved or undeserved) — except the postnuptial is done during the marriage instead of before it. Just as negotiation is vital to the survival of a relationship, these two were clear about what each wanted out of the relationship going forward and acted upon it officially, lending both some much needed ease over long-time wounds. It’s nice to have a happy ending, especially for two people who did not wish to lose each other. Check out the inspiring details on CNN.com .

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