by India Bonham

One Woman’s Proven Healthy Relationship How-To’s

Aimgrrrl of Seattle shared on her blog the 15 things she does with her spouse that keeps their relationship good and healthy despite being imperfect like the rest of us. From minding your “I love yous,” “thank yous” and apologies to respecting each other, and working as a team, Aimgrrrl has some nice tips. My favorites include “Choose your battles,” “Make time for one another,” and “Demonstrate your love in the little things.”

On the topic of choosing battles, our blogger shares that although she and her spouse do not always agree, they are “each willing to give in to the little stuff with the understanding that if something is important to one of us we will say so.” She also covers the topic of Money (that can be a big one in a relationship, right? Many have broken up over it). Since they have agreed upon money goals, this has helped money to become a non-issue for them. I like that they stick to the “pay yourself first” method. If this one is new to you, it means your monetary priority is to fund your savings account first, before everything else (bills & etc.) eat up each paycheck. They go with 10%. I thought this was key — Aimgrrrl highlights the fact that if together you talk through any unexpected or challenging money items that come up, fear levels then decrease immensely.

For her full article on what’s worked for her and her spouse, check it out on her blog, “Aim for the moon –- you may land among the stars” see aimgrrrl blog.

Separation Anxiety Lessons

On the blog, The Attractionologists (great name, eh?), we learn a study was conducted on couples separated from their partners for half a week to a week. The scholars (Lisa Diamond of University of Utah, Angela Hicks, and Kimberly Otter-Henderson) found as they predicted, that these temporary separations would result in negative associations. Right after being separated, participants reported distress that was alleviated when reunited with their partners. They had difficulties sleeping when apart. Moreover, the distress of being apart raised subjects’ cortisol levels (that’s the stress hormone). Despite various forms of communication available in the modern world, only long phone conversations eased participants stress over the separation.

Personally, I have to agree -– a phone conversation is the best way to truly connect over the miles. My paramour is away on business periodically and I can hear the relief in his voice right after I first answer his call. The blog post was written by grad student Paul Eastwick with Professor Eli J. Finkel and Eastwick shares his personal observations and experiences which parallel the findings. The entire post can be found on the Psychology Today website and includes a link to the study article mentioned.

Relationship Quiz Web Page

This is fun and can be insightful at the same time -– a website full of relationship quizzes that were created by relationship consultants. You not only obtain your quiz results, but advice for self-improvement on some of the answers you give. The quizzes run the gamut from rating your listening skills to testing your body language awareness to learning what your romantic temperature is. Check out the list of free quizzes at The Positive Way.