Is your Relationship Healthy or Toxic? Take the Quiz

The blog Life Optimizer has a great article about how seemingly one-dimensional self-improvements can often go much deeper than initially intended. JoLynn Braley explains in “How Personal Growth Can Uncover a Toxic Relationship” that when you consciously choose to work on self improvement, you will not just improve your own life but you will also benefit the whole world. “Every bit you do to raise your own consciousness contributes to the level of global consciousness.”

Braley uses the goal of losing weight as an example of how one might uncover a relationship that is toxic or in fact supportive. Your partner could either become inspired by your lifestyle changes and support your goals and efforts while you support theirs, or it’s possible they could unconsciously or consciously attempt to sabotage your plans by supplying you with the very treats you let them know you were cutting out of your diet, as well as bombard you with negativity and discouragement because they feel threatened by your steps forward.

For me, this article caused me to remember a long-term relationship I was in years ago. In it, I often felt like I was criticized for no reason, but internalized it. When I would encourage and try to help with this person’s goals, I only got nastiness and negativity back — it seemed he didn’t want any of this from me. My actions were out of my care for him so this was a bit confusing. His reactions to my ideas, plans and goals were always a total non-reaction. Lack of emotional and verbal support toward my own endeavors would ultimately lead to my dissolving of the relationship after years of being together. But this was not before asking for encouragement and support from him many times as I was increasingly growing to feel that it was something I very much wanted and needed in a long-term partner.

Braley notes in her article that you should surround yourself with people who support your highest good in life and that you should try to work things out should you find yourself in a toxic relationship, before ending it. I know I contributed to the relationship problems somehow but I welcomed change in myself and knew I could not make someone else change. Though that past breakup was painful, I have never regretted my past actions since I know I had given that relationship ample time and chance to grow beforehand.

Check out this article at lifeoptimizer.org. There is much more that JoLynn Braley says that’s very much worth the read, including a link to this quiz on emotional health at oprah.com, which may help determine the quality of your relationship (is it healthy or toxic?).

Your Balance Meter

According to Bakari Akil II Ph.D., we each have a meter inside with which we measure the balance, the give and take in our relationship, and it can happen either consciously or unconsciously. He also says that the act of judging the balance of give and take is not necessarily selfish -– we want to do our fair share if we are in a healthy union and care about our partner. If we feel we are accepting more than we are giving, we may feel like turning up the generosity. He points out that if you think you are not aware of the balance in your relationship, then it’s definitely time to take a look at it! Constantly trying to strike a balance between give and take is one of the best ways to healthily feed your intimate relationship. Make sure you contribute to it regularly! Dr. Akil’s entire blog post, “The Importance of a Positive Contribution,” can be found at universitymindlab.wordpress.com.

Another Quiz: Are You in a Healthy Relationship?

Try this relationship quiz to find out if yours is healthy. Go to lifescript.com.