Overcoming Jealousy & its Roots

Susie and Otto Collins, who are a couple and are both relationship coaches, answer a reader’s question about jealousy and address the subject. They explain that jealousy is most often acted out due to holding on to things that have happened to you in the past while in other relationships. This holding-on can be very unconscious and repetitive: those of us doing this are expecting the same things to happen in our present love relationship as did in past ones. One of the best ways to combat this is to consciously separate your past experiences from your present ones. This can take a little reminding, but it will really help if you question your thoughts about the past when they come up from now on.

Another issue the Collins’ go into — which can be very much related to the problems of jealousy — is wanting your current lover to be different from who they actually are. As you may have guessed, this can indeed lead to many conflicts in your love relationship. Realize we are all different — it’s a good thing! -– and that you and your loved one may very well need to get genuinely clear as to what you are both looking for in a relationship and see if your views line up with each others. For more on the Collins’ tips from this post on how to deepen your relationship, go to www.susieandotto.com.

For further reading, see Jealousy: One “Cure” You Must Know, also by the Collins’ at www.susieandotto.com.

(I’ll give you a hint: it’s a four-letter word that starts with L.)

In keeping with the theme, here’s a video (as well as text) on overcoming your own roadblocks to your significant other’s past by the popular online relationship advisor couple, Dan & Jennifer. They say it plainly: The past is the past! You both have pasts and they recommend various paths of self-improvement to assist in conquering one’s jealousy problems. To see all that the Dan & Jennifer unit have to say on these serious issues, check out How Letting Go of the Past Can Help You Hold On To the Future at www.askdanandjennifer.com.

Learning How to Constructively Stand Up for Yourself

According to Are You a Fool for Love? on the Ask Jacqui Blog, Jacqui tells us standing up for yourself is an important relationship skill and she goes beyond other relationship experts who focus on improving communication. Why? Because how successful is the communication going to be if your partner is continually being unreasonable? Life coach Jacqui spells out 7 Steps for Standing Up for Yourself (which I think is quite useful, especially for us women) after sharing this useful tidbit: Standing up for yourself is NOT criticizing your partner; criticizing your partner is equal to giving your power away since you are only inflicting damage to the relationship you share. Plus, she explains, your message becomes totally lost because your partner will be in defensive mode (reacting to the criticism). Read the rest at www.jbloommft.wordpress.com.

Quotes

We don’t see things as they are, but rather as we are
–Anais Nin

Who we are never changes. Who we think we are… does.
– Unknown